I got home from Portland at around midnight but was super awake b/c of the time difference. So I didn't really sleep that night and was totally miserable the next day. So I go up to my parents last night fully intending to do my laundry and go to bed hellishly early. Which I did.

I went to bed at like 8:30 or something. Travis was knocked out too. Apparently MP didn't notice when he got some horrifying gash on his leg that's clearly in need of stitches and hanging open ( He's at the vet getting stitches right now).

So we're snoring away and suddenly my grandmothers dog( who my mom is sitting) starts barking and freaking so Travis starts barking and freaking and it's still real early like 9:30 so I was fully prepared to ignore it. But then I hear my dad talking to some woman and the woman is moaning and shrieking. So I go investigate and he's sort of annoyed and asking what the hell she wants. And she's totally cracked out of her gourd and whining something and my dad LETS HER IN THE HOUSE.

So she goes to use the bathroom muttering and whining the whole way and asks for a towel and the dogs are freaking out and my mom and I are standing there wringing our hands and then it occurs to me to grab the baby ( who happened to be there ) and go to the other side of the house. So my mom calls the sheriff who takes at least a century to show up. At one point she asks outside of the bathroom if this lady is ok who is at this point making no noise. So my mom's convinced she's committing suicide in there so she busts in on her and the woman is rubbing her naked body down obsessively with a towel. So I call my brother and in a tone only dogs can hear tell him that he has to come up there.

Amazingly he was out drinking with a cop: Who gives him a ride up the mountain. So the sheriff shows up and calls in backup and the ambulance shows up and my brother and friend show up about the same time.

The woman is pulled out of the bathroom ( My mom had given her some old jeans and a t shirt at this point – the more I think about it the more I think she showed up without pants on) and she's totally incoherent but clearly freaking out. And the sheriff is trying to get her name out of her and I'm screaming in my mind, "Talk to her in your car, fuckface!! Get her out of here!!". But she's clearly terrified so obvs I'm terrified of whatever she's terrified of.

So I force my brother and the cop to search the yard and they're both in full blown cop/marine mode at this point.

Anyway nothing else happened but I was wigging out and went home. I won't bother to mention the terrifying murder car that was blocking my alley or the scores of lunatic teenagers on my road.

So much for going to bed early.

Comments:

man, i've totally been there.

# posted by  Hubs : 4:46 PM

 

I can't believe I'm alive either! I'm only a shell tho.

No I never found out a thing.

# posted by  Jami : 6:46 AM

 

so weird to see a different picture on here. very funny though.

# posted by  Anonymous : 4:28 PM

 

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