Last week I went on that free trip to Jamaica. I brought my friend, Scott, b/c he requires little entertainment. We were at a Sandals resort, which is every bit as cheesy as you are imagining. There was all kinds of goofy shit like a beach party one night (complete with MOCK krab salad…beside the OCEAN) and a swim up bar. Lots of shit revolved around encouraging you to go off and fuck. And they constantly corral you without letting on. I would love to have more pictures but my camera broke.

The place does have this private island which was pretty astonishing. You take a boat over there and there's a pool and bar and everything, but you feel like it's your own island. Theres no management over there so the staff is extra wild too. One bartender taught me to throw a bottle and catch it on one finger

The drinks and food were totally free. I helped the economy immensely by forcing them to brew more RedStripe. I also smoked a million cigarettes. I figured it didn't count b/c it wasn’t in America.

People were mainly shocked and appalled with how obsessed with the staff I was. But it was fascinating to try to pick up crumbs of their real life. They're all so incredible and perfect, I think you have to be a supermodel with a doctorate to work there. Mainly it’s because Jamaica has a 30% unemployment rate and the slightest fuck-up and there's 50 people waiting to take your job.


I have caught some kind of lame cold so coming back is even more painful. This week has dragged ass.